So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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