If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just forgot I was standing up.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
