I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I can text with my tongue
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Shame is for Republicans.
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