I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
