If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
