Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
