It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
