What a fucking waste of an outfit
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
