it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
