I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
