i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
