Swine flu is the new snow day.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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