Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
