I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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