I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
