How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
