It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
