On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
