Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
