He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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