I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize