The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
