If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
