I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
