Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
