On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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