So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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