Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Randomize
