Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
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Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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