I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
