he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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