Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
