My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
