I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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