Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
