I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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