Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
