you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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