He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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