It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
