I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
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I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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