I'm jealous of your bromance
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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