I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize