your parents love me but you hate me
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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