my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
