So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
