well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
