She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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