Already got asked if we're dating
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
