how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
