my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
