So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
