If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
