If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
