I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
