She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
