If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
PANTIES FOUND
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