I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
