wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it hurts more in the daytime
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
