HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.