My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
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I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
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Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store