This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.