saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.