I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
