Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.

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  (310): Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker. http://tfl.nu/ijgw
  Replies (14) Good night (4081) Bad night (729)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea

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  (608): Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea http://tfl.nu/i55m
  Replies (16) Good night (859) Bad night (5849)
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  (949): View more from California

  She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.

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  (949): She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed. http://tfl.nu/t3mj
  Replies (22) Good night (9220) Bad night (1235)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!

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  (708): you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas! http://tfl.nu/ibug
  Replies (10) Good night (5813) Bad night (803)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.

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  (804): They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas. http://tfl.nu/dkws
  Replies (4) Good night (3132) Bad night (855)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'

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  (902): Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp' http://tfl.nu/0a7v
  Replies (8) Good night (1358) Bad night (3989)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar

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  (313): My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar http://tfl.nu/fy9n
  Replies (6) Good night (3315) Bad night (800)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I woke up with glitter in my wounds.

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  (778): I woke up with glitter in my wounds. http://tfl.nu/r4io
  Replies (11) Good night (2296) Bad night (1189)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.

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  (770): She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up. http://tfl.nu/832z
  Replies (11) Good night (873) Bad night (2300)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.

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  (229): I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant. http://tfl.nu/p9a2
  Replies (10) Good night (731) Bad night (1652)
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  (283): View more from Ohio

  $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

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  (283): $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper. http://tfl.nu/b2q3
  Replies (6) Good night (540) Bad night (1251)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.

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  (602): After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her. http://tfl.nu/mkbl
  Replies (5) Good night (1062) Bad night (519)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice

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  (514): I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice http://tfl.nu/zb9l
  Replies (2) Good night (564) Bad night (316)
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  (650): View more from California

  I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.

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  (650): I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it. http://tfl.nu/sejz
  Replies (2) Good night (785) Bad night (345)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?

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  (217): Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob? http://tfl.nu/m7ja
  Replies (1) Good night (614) Bad night (263)

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