rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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