no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
