I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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