So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
