Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
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I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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