I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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