maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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