I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
