Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
