is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
