so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Randomize
