my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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