what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Randomize
