I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
