My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
