I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So. Much. Porn.
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